Done.

My family was ripped apart today.

Not my family with Jason, but the family I grew up with. The one that shaped my personality, values, and what I wanted in life.

If you are divorced (especially if you are one of my parents), you might want to stop reading now, because I'm going to be very real, from the perspective of an adult child of divorce.

My family, as I have always known it, is officially done.

Two people who stood together 40+ years ago and made a commitment to each other, and their future family, have decided that they no longer want to honor that commitment, and in turn, completely dishonor their family.

Family. It's a big word. Who is family? It can include cousins, uncles, friends who have been "adopted", and many others. But generally, it refers to the unit that you grow up with, or the unit in which your children grow.

Unit. Another big word. The official definition of unit is:

noun
1. a single thing or person.
2. any group of things or persons regarded as an entity: They formed a cohesive unit.
3. one of the individuals or groups that together constitute a whole; one of the parts or elements into which a whole may be divided or analyzed.

So, it can be seen as the individual pieces that make up something, or as one unit...with all things together...depending on who is doing the viewing.

For me, the family unit is one thing, that should not be separated. For my parents, apparently it is something in which any of the individual units are free to break up the whole.

I will stop you before you say that the children are gone so they left first, because that is the purpose of having children. If you raise children to live with you forever, barring any special needs, you're doing it wrong. Marriage, however, is meant to be forever. When you break that commitment, other things break as well.

I've already seen it. Pictures with only my mother and her grandkids, while my father stands by, uninvited into the picture. The questions about whether it will be awkward if the other parent is there. Both of my parents completely blowing off a chance to be with their family on Christmas Day to spend with the bad choices they are making. Both of my parents only seeing my children for an hour or two on Christmas Eve because they had more important things to do. Bad choices being made because of loneliness or giving in to flattery. Adultery that will now lead to even less time being spent with my children.

I grew up listening to love songs that my parents danced to at their wedding. Ruined. I am named after a poem that my father wrote for my mother while they were dating. Ruined. I had faith that two people, if they tried and were committed, could make it work, no matter their differences. Ruined.

My family is ruined.

My best friend lost her father in October. Her parents had been married for 50 years. My aunt Marie died two weeks ago. She and my uncle Steve had been married for 43 years. While these both were beyond sad, it is also a beautiful thing to see that kind of commitment. To see that couples who promise to be together, with or without children, can stay true to that. It is never easy. It's not supposed to be easy. We don't deserve happiness. We create happiness. And happiness is not created by giving up or giving in to resentment. When we view our spouse as the enemy, there can be no happiness.

I know that there are people who, without knowing it, marry pieces of crap and have no other choice. But this was not my parents. My parents would give their right arm for anyone. They are both good people. They have made very bad choices. They have allowed themselves to be seduced by what the world says is ok and what specific other people have said to them.

And now, they will sit in a room with my children and explain this to them. I will not be the one to break my children's heart and confuse them. To make them question the commitment Jason and I have for each other. To make them question the commitment someone else will have for them down the road. To make them think that divorce is ok...because people deserve to be happy.

I am disappointed. I am let down. I am angry. I am sad. I am disgusted. I am heartbroken.

I have never felt more alone than I do today.

My parents divorce is final, and my original family is done.

My life will go on, and I will be happy because I choose to try to be happy. I will do everything I can to contradict the horrible disservice and example being set by my parents for my children.