The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

 I've started this post several times and cannot figure out what I want to say. I'll summarize it backwards:

The Ugly:

We said goodbye to our first foster son last week. It was, I believe, the hardest thing I've ever done. I thought the four months he was here were hard, but this was gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, tear-soaked pain - nothing like I have ever felt before. 

The Bad:

At this point, we are all a little sad, confused, and exhausted. As many ways as we imagined placements ending, what happened was certainly never in our realm of possibilities. Because of this, and the months that proceeded, we are nervous about welcoming another child in our home. We saw how even joy can trigger trauma responses, and know that this is possible, even likely, with all children who are placed in foster care. 

The Good:

We loved. We loved hard and strong and unconditionally. We practiced patience we didn't know we could have. We communicated with words that could only have been provided by God. We demonstrated what a family could look like. What love should look like. We reminded ourselves of these things in the process. Our family grew closer and looked out for each other more. Our kids learned to appreciate what they have even more than they did before. We learned humility and grace. We got to experience a lot of firsts. We taught a child to pray. We taught a child that he is good. We fought for that child so that he could be put in the right family, where they will work hard to provide for all of his emotional and physical needs. 

We are all nervous, but ready to start again. We know a lot more than we did four and a half months ago. We know more about the trauma so many children have endured. We know more about how that trauma can affect everyone around them. But we also know that there are children who are enduring that now, who need us. All three of our kids, when asked separately about how long we should be off the available list, said something to the effect of, "But what if God has a child out there who needs us and we're not on the list for them." I love these beautiful children, and their ability to love. We loved our foster son, and we will continue to pray for him and for the future children God will place in our home. 

We know that Love Never Fails.