Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for me.

Sweet because I love being a mommy. There is not much else in this world that can bring me the happiness of seeing my children smile, play together, or run to my arms for a big hug. I am so blessed to be able to be their mother, and I know that Jason will help them spoil me Sunday.  Over the last several years, I have watched many of my dearest friends and family members celebrate their first Mother's Day as mothers. Last year, Tammy and Carey were married on Mother's Day. I also have an unbelievable mother who I love picking out cards for and spending time with on Mother's Day.

For the last several years, Mother's Day has also been a bitter time for me.

In 2008, it was partly because I wanted to be a mother so, so badly. My sister had recently announced her second pregnancy, and Jason and I had been trying unsuccessfully for a while (little did I know that I would be pregnant in one short month...with two babies!).

The worst thing about 2008 was that it was Jason's first Mother's Day without his mother. Although I know that not a day goes by that he doesn't long to hear her voice, see her face or feel her hug, I think that the first year is the worst after a loss. First Christmas, first birthday, first Mother's Day, etc. Because of this experience, I also know how horrible Sunday will be for my father and his siblings (and the rest of us). We are all still reeling from my grandmother's passing, and those of us in town will be spending the day at her house.

After watching the two most important men in my life experience a loss like this, I have learned one major thing. I want to be that kind of mother. I want to be the mother who will support my child, back my child up, defend my child, in any situation. I want to be the mother who loves unconditionally. I want to be the mother who gives amazing hugs. I want to be the mother who prays for my kids constantly. I want to be the mother who instills values that help them in relationships and careers well after I am gone. I want to be the mother who encourages them to be all that they can be. I want to be the mother who becomes friends with my kids when they are older. I want to be the mother that gives my kids everything they need, not everything they want. I want to be the mother whose eyes will always light up when I see my children. I want to be the mother who my kids want to come see, not just on my birthday or Mother's Day, but any time. I want to be the mother who believes in my kids and makes them feel special and smart and loved. I want to be the mother who, when I am gone, has children who are devastated, and yet strong enough to be OK.

Yes, Sunday will be bitter, but it will also be sweet. I will wake up to the sound of my children laughing together. I will go to church, where two of my favorite little girls, Autumn and Isabella, will be dedicated. I will go to lunch with my parents and family and I will take my kids to my grandmother's, where they will play on the playground that she bought for them just over a month ago. The playground that was the subject of the last real conversation I had with her. The one where she told me how much she loved my kids and me, and how she couldn't wait for us to come over a lot during the summer. I will take my kids home and put them to bed and listen to them talk about their day as they fall asleep. Then I will fall asleep in the arms of my wonderful husband.

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow mommies. Let's all be "That Mother"!