I Love You More

The kids and I love to play the "I love you more" game. It always ends with me telling them that there's no way they will love me as much I love them, or understand how much I love them until they have children of their own.

Recently, though, I've begun to have second thoughts on that one. Because I see the way Gemma looks at me.

Right now, it is possible that she loves me as much as I love her. I truly believe that more of her capacity to love is used on me than mine is on her. I believe this because I know she loves me with everything she has. She knows nothing else. Of course, she loves her daddy, brother, sister, grandparents, etc., but I am the source of her food, her comfort, the one she sees all day, every day.

When she cries, I am there. When she smiles, I am there. When she poops...yes, I am there.

Of course, I don't remember when I was a baby. I do know that there's no way I now love my mom more than she loves me. I don't remember ever feeling the adoration for my mom that I feel when Gemma looks at me. I must have felt it, though. I think most babies do.

When Kyran and Karyssa were born, I was so swept up in how much I could love other people, that I didn't put much thought into how much they loved me too. They tell me all of the time now, and I could never get sick of hearing it.

When my grandmother died, I was very sad because I knew I would miss her very much. A part of me was sad, though, because the love that she had for me (which was a lot), was gone too. Now, I feel like that love is back. Not in a reincarnation type of way, but in a way that I am being adored and I can do no wrong.

I know from experience that this will change. For many years, I will probably feel like I can't do anything right. But for now, I'm just going to look into my sweet girl's eyes and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am loved, completely and unconditionally.