I'm Wearing Your Socks

I'm wearing your socks.

You were several inches taller, and your feet were a size or two larger, so the only thing of yours I can really wear is your socks.

I don't usually wear socks when it's as warm as it is outside, but I had an event this weekend for which I had to wear sneakers, and I thought it was appropriate that I was wearing your socks today.

It's so hard to believe it has been five years.

I think of you every day. When Karyssa says something in her sweet voice. When Kyran emphasizes the "my" in "my mommy". When Jason does something kind for someone else or cleans relentlessly. When I'm just missing you and wishing I could pick up the phone and call.

So I have your socks. And your son. And your grandchildren. And I thank you for all of them. I know that my husband would not be who he is without you. My children would not be who they are without you. I would not be who I am without you.

Jason misses you so much. I know you would be so proud of him. He's going on a trip to Haiti, to witness and give love to orphans and help those affected by the earthquake and the recent hurricane. He works hard at his job and is very good at it. He talks to Tom a lot, and I think he and Tammy are closer than ever.

Tammy's little Eva Darlene is amazing. She is beautiful and she smiles so much. I just know that she and Kyran and Karyssa will be very close as they grow up. 

We've started giving them your McDonald's toys and they love them. People are amazed that you thought to collect Happy Meal toys for your grandkids years and years before they were ever born. I tell them that's just you. 

You never thought twice about helping someone, about righting an injustice, about telling someone that you loved how you felt about them. 

You were the best mother-in-law that I could have ever wished for. I just wish you were still here. 

You set the bar high, especially as a wife and a mother. Jason was so lucky to grow up with you as an example. We have a great marriage. We enjoy so much of the same things and we have very similar parenting styles. I know he thinks I'm a good mom, and with you as his comparison, that means the world to me. But I do know that he wishes I cleaned like you or enjoyed working in the garden like you or maybe was a little more even-tempered at times. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know I can never fill your shoes, but I love wearing your socks.