Kindergarten

So, Kyran and Kayrssa have been in school for almost a month and I've yet to write about it. The biggest transition they've had since being born and coming home from the NICU, and I haven't even posted about their first day. It's not that I'm in denial, or that I'm not happy about it, but I think it's such an emotional thing that just thinking about writing about it gives me a headache.

They love school. They were excited to go and are still excited to go. They love recess. They love their new friends. They love their teachers. They love learning. They wish lunch was a little longer. They even enjoy doing homework right now.

The first day was rough, but I thank God for Gemma, because she really helped me get through it. I cried several times leading up to their first day, but actually held it together until we got back home and Jason walked out the door. Then I lost it.

It wasn't just that I was going to miss them (which I do, intensely). After 5 and a half years of being everything to those children, now they had teachers, friends and activities that I knew nothing about. I am used to knowing everything that they are doing every minute of every day. Now I don't. I was the one who taught them pretty much everything they knew (which is a lot, based on their assessments). Now I'm not.

As I sat there, crying my eyes out, I realized that my life had lost a lot of its meaning. Not that I'm going to get depressed about it. After all, I have Gemma now and still am a huge part of the kids' lives. But it felt like my worth was a little less. I'm not sure that makes sense to anyone else, but I was mourning a part of my value.

Since Gemma sleeps for the majority of the day, I am very glad for my freelance and volunteer work.

I do still take care of Isabella a few days a week, which also helps keep me busy. She is a sweet girl and we're in the middle of potty training, which is always fun.

Still, the house feels empty. And a little bit of my heart feels empty.

I have realized that no matter what you do, no matter how much time you spend with your kids, the time still flies by. I know that it will seem like only days and I'll be writing a similar post when Gemma goes to school.

Jason wrote me the sweetest note on their first day of school, telling me that because of the past five and a half years with me he's confident that they will be fine in school. And they are. I thank God for the days I had with them, and Gemma and I look forward to the afternoons when we get to pick them up and hear about all they've learned and all they've done during their exciting day!