Second Pregnancy

Being pregnant for the second time is different. Yes, it's different because it's just one, and that at 28 weeks, things still look great (although I get worried before each appointment), but the emotional feeling is very different.

The first time I was pregnant, I didn't have a clue. I knew how to take care of babies, so I did have a clue as far as that was concerned (although twins and breastfeeding did throw me for a loop at first!).

What I didn't have a clue about was my capacity to love. I knew how much I loved my nieces and nephew, my siblings, parents and friends. Even how much I love Jason (whom I love with all my heart, but it's different.) I had no clue that these two tiny people would come out and immediately I could not think about life without them.I would do anything to keep them safe. I would do almost anything to make them happy.

I had no clue how their big brown eyes would one day melt me. How the touch of their hands or lips would feel like magic. How much I would celebrate every milestone, every smile, every tooth, every word and every step. I could not imagine how watching them grow would make me so insanely happy and intensely sad at the same time. I didn't know how their smiles would be ingrained into my brain, so that I could see them even when I wasn't with them. I couldn't fathom that I could ever stay home with children, let alone enjoy it as much as I do. I was not aware that being a mom would be the most important, rewarding and slightly terrifying job I will ever do.

So, now I know.

And it's mind-blowing.

I love being pregnant. I love feeling my baby girl move around inside me. I love watching her feet and elbows push against my belly. I am enjoying every minute of this, and can't wait to get even more uncomfortable. But I also know what's coming. And I am so excited to meet this sweet girl who will immediately steal my heart. Who will make eye contact with me for so long during nursing sessions that it will almost make me cry. Who will grab my finger, my hair, my nose and anything else she can to get a better understanding of who I am.

The person whom God decided to bless me by letting her grow inside me, be born from me, nourished by me and taken care of by me.

I'm in no hurry to get her out. I will let her stay as long as the doctors let her stay. And I will continue to revel in the anticipation of this sweet, beautiful baby girl.