Everyone who has had a baby in the last several years knows that before they let you leave the hospital (at least in SC), they make you watch a video about the dangers of shaking a baby. What we really needed was a video about the dangers of squeezing the baby!
There are times when I'm holding them that I become so overcome with love that all I want to do is squeeze until I can't squeeze anymore. Of course, I do know all of the dangers, so I don't do it, but I could never have imagined such a huge love for such tiny people.
Jason and I watched the movie Baby Mama yesterday (don't laugh, it's actually a pretty good movie), and it brought back some memories of feelings I was having a year ago. Many of you know that Jason and I tried for a while before we got pregnant and during that time, it seemed like there were babies everywhere!
As much as I hate to admit it, I found myself jealous of the mommies and daddies that I saw out with their babies, those who got pregnant by accident and those, like my sister, who just had to think about being pregnant and nine months later had a baby to hold. If you're one of those people, you probably can't relate, but if you've had to wait more than about two months to get pregnant, you know the feeling. "It's never going to happen."
So, when it did, it was very hard to believe. It was even harder to believe when we found out we were having twins! Slowly I let myself forget about those feelings. So many of my friends are pregnant now or have just had babies and I'm so happy for all of them. There's so much joy that comes from knowing that Kyran and Karyssa will have friends close to their age to play with.
As those feelings fade though, it becomes easier to forget the worry and doubt and begin to take for granted what we have been blessed with. It's easy to ask "Why did I have to go on bed rest?," "Why did my babies have to spend all that time in the NICU?", "Why do my babies have to be hooked up to apnea monitors?"
As we start to go out and about more this summer, I need to remember that there will be people looking at me asking, "Why does she have two babies and I don't have any yet?" They won't know what we've gone through, but my prayer is that we never forget. Karyssa and Kyran are precious gifts that we don't deserve, but were blessed with anyway, and all we can do is raise them the best we can, give them all the love in our hearts and try not to squeeze too hard!
2 comments:
that movie is HILARIOUS... i was crying i was laughing so hard when it came on HBO the other day... :)
I can totally relate to your pre-pregancy emotions. I waited 6 yrs for Heather, and almost lost her during the pregnancy. I really dreaded times like Mother's Day, people asking me why I wasn't pregnant yet, I was sometimes very jealous of those who were pregnant, and asked God "Why?" many times. I had to wait a very long time, but Heather was worth it. She recently lost her baby, and it brought back a lot of those emotions. I know you will really enjoy the twins, and they will grow up knowing how much they are loved!
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