The Burkett Bundle

I try to keep this blog as positive as possible, but I also want it to be honest.  There is one thing that I constantly struggle with, and I just wanted to get it out there. 

I hate that Kyran isn't walking yet. 

That is so hard for me to write.  I know that there are children who will never walk, or will walk only with assistance or a limp, and I know that I am blessed because he will walk.  In the meantime, though, it's definitely difficult for all of us. 

I worry about Kyran.  He tries so hard and just does not understand why he can't walk all around like Karyssa and all of their friends do.  Although he loves his physical therapist, he hates the therapy and usually doesn't even make it through an hour session without latching himself onto me and refusing to do any more.  I worry that he might get complacent with letting Karyssa do things for him, which she loves to do. 

I worry about Karyssa.  Sometimes, physically, it feels as though I have a one-year-old and a two-year-old.  Karyssa knows that if we're going into a store, I have to carry Kyran and she has to hold my hand and walk with me.  She doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but I want to make sure that she knows why it has to be that way.  She has also started to mother him a little, and I want her to feel like his twin, not his big sister.  Kyran gets so much praise for trying to walk, and I attempt to give her as much encouragement, but I'm not sure I do the best job at it. 

I worry about me.  I worry about the bitterness I sometimes get when I read about friends' 10-month-olds who are walking.  I worry about the guilt I feel for not being able to hold them in for a few weeks longer, every time I see him fall.  I worry that I treat him like he's younger than he is, and maybe do too much for him, because of this guilt.  I worry about the anger I feel towards people who ask me how old he is, condescendingly, when they see him crawl. 

I know that he's close.  His PT and OT both assure me that he will walk, run, jump and all of the other things that little kids do.  He usually walks well with just one of our fingers to hold onto, and sometimes even walks halfway across a room by himself.  I know he will walk in God's timing, and that there is a reason it hasn't happened yet.  

Please know that I am not complaining.  I could not ask for better children.  I thank God that he gave me two healthy, happy, smart and funny kids.  But it helped to write this, and to know that people will read it.