Autumn Elizabeth

Autumn Elizabeth, my newest cousin (or first-cousin once removed to be exact), was born on Wednesday, November 24.  On that day, not only did she change her mother's life forever, but she changed mine too. 

My cousin, Alison, and I have always been close.  Close enough that our own grandmother accidentally refers to us as "aunts" of each other's children.  Alison has watched Kyran and Karyssa more than anyone except for my own mother.  She helped me on several trips to Charlotte for Karyssa's DOC band, and even painted it to look like a princess crown. 

I was so happy to hear that she was expecting a child of her own, and that I could finally repay her some of the favors she has done for me over the last two years.  What I didn't know is how much I would get out of it. 

I asked Alison before Autumn was born if I could sit in the room with her for her early labor.  I feel like I was cheated out of my labor and birth experience, and I wanted to see, first hand, what went on.  I watched my younger brother, Ben, be born, but I was not quite five yet, and don't remember much of the experience.  She said yes, so I arrived to the hospital at about 10:00 the morning of the 24th. 

Her mom, my aunt Nancy, and I talked and tried to keep Alison's mind occupied.  I couldn't believe how quickly the day flew by.  I only left the hospital to get lunch that day (thanks to my mom, dad and Pilly for helping with the kids), and although I'm sure Alison feels differently, 6:00 p.m. was there before I knew it.  They said she was ready to deliver and the doctor would be there shortly.  I was about to leave the room to wait for news, when Alison asked me if I wanted to stay.  What an honor!

I knew that I was about to have an amazing experience, but not how cathartic it would be for me.  Her early labor had gone so well, and the delivery was breathtaking.  I can't begin to describe what I was feeling during the 45 minutes of pushing.  At first, I was holding my breath every time she pushed, but I stopped that when the nurses started telling stories of dads passing out in the delivery room from doing the same thing.  The nurse was cracking jokes and the doctor told her how well she was doing. 

The doctor asked her for one more push and all of a sudden there was a head, neck, shoulders, belly, hips, legs and feet.  All out in one push.  All 8 lb, 12 oz and 21.5 inches of healthy, beautiful baby girl.  My eyes filled with tears and I just could not believe the power of that moment.  What a beautiful, natural, amazing way to bring a child into the world.  After a few minutes with the nurses, they placed the newborn Autumn into her mother's arms and more tears streamed down my face. 

Two days later, on Friday, they put Autumn in her car seat and took her home, where they have settled in nicely. 

The day my children were born was one of the two happiest days of my life (the other being my wedding day).  I gave birth to two beautiful miracle children, and, although they had complications, they were perfect and would be not only ok, but would be out of the NICU sooner than anyone predicted. 

That day was also the most terrifying, confusing and frustrating day of my life, though.  The days that followed were filled with apprehension, sadness, fear and longing.  It was several days before I could even hold my own children.  My experience was not at all what I had always imagined.

Looking back, I wouldn't change one bit of my labor and delivery, because I believe it has gone a long way toward shaping me, Jason and our children.  However, now, my vision of bringing a child into the world is a very different one. 

Thank you, Alison, and thank you, Autumn, for giving me a precious gift.  I look forward to spending lots of time with you, and being there for you to give back a small portion of what you have given to me.